it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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