he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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