i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
