Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
