I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
