i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
