I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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