She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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