I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My liver just broke up with me...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
