Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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