yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
