Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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