It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
