Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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