his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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