Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
