Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
