Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
