I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
