he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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