Plan B is the new Plan A
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
