oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
