I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
