I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
