Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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