I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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