i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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