Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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