Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize