The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
