He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
