i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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