Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
