my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
