Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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