Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
