fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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