Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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