You made me cry and you don't even care
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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