I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
