He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
