I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize