I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
