i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize