sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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