not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
