I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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