when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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