Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i now understand why vodka
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
