Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I believe in your delicious
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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