idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
