I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
