we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
