vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
