Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
