Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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