Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
