you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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