Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
