i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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