FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
