What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
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just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
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GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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