Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
