I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
