I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
