I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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