my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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