I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
