im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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